Shining Light Reading Series Presents Kids Talk

Please, Don't Eat the Marshmallow

2010-02-06T13:34:00.000-06:00

In the 1960's, Walter Mischel conducted the now-famous "marshmallow study" at the Bing Nursery School at Stanford University. A researcher would let a four-year-old choose a treat from a tray and tell the child that he or she could eat the treat right away or wait until the researcher returned and have two.

About one-third of the four-year-olds could wait until the researcher returned 15 minutes later. Most of the children could wait for three minutes before popping the treat into their mouth.

The study has shown a high correlation between those children who could wait and better school outcomes, including scoring over 200 points higher on the SAT's than the children who ate their marshmallows in less than 30 seconds.

The ability to choose behavior, in this case, choosing to wait for the second marshmallow to appear, is called self-regulation or self-control.

Self-regulation for children and adults demands a variety of skills. The child must trust the adults in the situation. I would guess that the children who could wait for the marshmallow also had adults in their lives who kept their word and earned the children's trust.

Self-regulation requires that you feel safe. If you think that someone is going to come in and take your marshmallow while you wait, it makes sense to pop it into your mouth right away.

Self-regulation needs imagination and an ability to redirect focus. The child with self-control has to imagine something that is not there, in this case, the second marshmallow, and be able to think ahead. Children who resisted eating their marshmallow were able to redirect their attention on something other than the marshmallow. Researchers found that children who were taught to imagine that the marshmallow was a picture and visualize a frame around the marshmallow, were able to resist temptation longer than they had previously.

15 minutes of self-regulation at age four also involves experience and practice starting from a young age. A friend related watching her 15-month-old niece self-regulate at a family get-together. All the adults' cell phones were on the coffee table, along with one of her niece's toys. My friend watched her niece walk over to the table and start to reach for a cell phone. But as she extended her arm, her niece stopped, and a pensive look swept over the toddler's face. Instead she picked up her toy and sat down to play. At 15 months, self-regulation was already at work.

Living in an environment that promotes trust and safety helps the child's development of self-control. Having positive experiences based on respect helps the child's development of predicting a sequence of events.

Self-regulation is a foundational skill for success in all of life--physical wellness, emotional stability, positive social interaction and intellectual growth. Being able to control their thoughts and behavior gives our children a vital key for a life well lived.

Help create a place for our children to safely live with adult trust and respect so that they can imagine and redirect focus to wait and enjoy the second marshmallow for all their lives.

Next week: Eat, Drink, Breathe, Think

About Kids Talk™

Kids Talk™ is an award-winning newspaper column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox?

Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

About Maren Schmidt
Maren Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland. She is author of Understanding Montessori: A Guide for Parents.

©2010 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
E-mail Maren

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Bloom's Taxonomy

2010-01-30T09:04:00.002-06:00

As we watch our children grow and learn, how can we, as parents and teachers, help direct our children to the next step in learning?

One helpful tool to help us think about the steps in learning is Bloom's Taxonomy. Benjamin Bloom in 1956 described six levels of questioning that reflect a person's mastery of learning new material. In the 1990's a student of Bloom, Lorin Anderson, revised the original six category names, changing nouns into verbs to reflect a sense of action versus a state of being. I'll use both terms.

Knowledge/Remembering is the first level of mastery. To get feedback on whether a student has attained certain knowledge, we can ask questions that request the student to list, define, tell, describe, show, collect or name.

Comprehension/Understanding questions focus on whether new information is incorporated into previous learning. Requests in this category might include asking the student to summarize, describe, contrast, predict, estimate or discuss to help us evaluate a student's understanding.

Application/Applying refers to being able to make use of newly acquired information. Requests take the form of asking the student to demonstrate, calculate, illustrate and solve, among others.

Analysis/Analyzing questions explore a person's knowledge in terms of being able to see patterns, to find hidden meanings or to organize parts. Questions ask the person to explain, arrange, compose or infer in order to determine understanding.

Evaluation/Evaluating requests require the student to make choices based on reason, theories or evidence. The student is asked to decide, rank, convince, compare or explain an idea.

Synthesis/Creating questioning requires the student to draw on knowledge from several areas, make predictions, draw conclusions or create fresh ideas from old ideas. The student is asked to combine, plan, design, invent or prepare in order to demonstrate a facility with new learning.

What does this mean for our work with our children?

Too many times learning expectations get stuck in the lower levels of remembering and understanding. For many subjects this is enough. Applying, analyzing, evaluation and creating, especially when we can use the hands to create, are steps that make learning fun and exciting and, in the long run, have more "stickiness" in the mind. For optimum learning, our children need time and experiences that allow them to test and develop their knowledge and understanding.

Let's look at requests for evaluating student learning using the categories in Bloom's taxonomy. The lesson is about learning to make a pizza.

Remembering request. Examine this recipe for pizza and list the ingredients needed, preparation time and oven temperatures.

Understanding. Predict what would happen if you left out one ingredient of the recipe. Make a prediction for each of the six ingredients in the following recipe.

Applying. If you forgot to put yeast in your pizza dough, what might you do to save the dough?

Analyzing. Explain the role that yeast plays in the creation of pizza crust.

Evaluating. What do you consider the most important ingredient in making a pizza? Why? (Note: This is a subjective question to see how a student might use reason.)

Creating. What would you predict would happen if a pizza were baked at 350 degrees? 250 degrees? 450 degrees? Explain how knowing math might be important in making a pizza. Design your own pizza recipe.

In all this questioning, I hope you might feel that having our students make a pizza or two might be a vital learning task. Hands-on experiences aid learning and create opportunities to integrate and incorporate all of Bloom's categories of discovering a student's level of experience and knowledge.

We need to remember that the reason to ask our children a bunch of questions (a test!) is to understand how to help in the next step of learning. We need to help involve their hands and minds in meaningful experiences to create deep and personal learning at all levels.

Next week: The Marshmallow Test

About Kids Talk™

Kids Talk™ is an award-winning newspaper column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox?

Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

About Maren Schmidt
Maren Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland. She is author of Understanding Montessori: A Guide for Parents.

©2010 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
E-mail Maren

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Five Hindrances to Enlightenment

2010-01-23T09:00:00.000-06:00

Last week's column discussed how seven factors in Zen Buddhist teachings might be seen as road signs to happy and healthy human development. These seven factors are universal virtues that are found in most cultures of the world, in different words and contexts, but there all the same. Mindfulness. Investigation. Energy. Joy. Tranquility. Concentration. Equanimity.

You don't have to be a practicing Buddhist to see the common sense in these seven qualities. We might compare these seven factors to the five Jesuit characteristics of being loving, religious, open to growth, intellectually competent, and committed to doing justice.

The Zen Buddhists also have a list of the five obstacles to enlightenment: sensual desire, anger or ill will, sloth-torpor, restlessness-worry, and doubt. Perhaps we ignore these qualities at our peril. These impediments have their equivalents in other cultures so they might not seem unfamiliar, and might be compared with the seven deadly sins-lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride.

Sensual desire. How our cravings for pleasure can disrupt the best laid plans. It's easier to sit in front of the TV eating a bowl of ice cream than to take a half hour walk.

Anger or ill will. When we direct our energy towards others in anger or revenge, normal development takes a detour, and we can arrive at places that aren't wholesome at all. Anger takes away our ability to concentrate, be peaceful and feel joy. Anger and revenge are big obstacles to a life lived well.

Sloth-torpor. These are words that we rarely hear or see in today's world, but their effects are all around us. Sloth refers to not working or exerting yourself, a laziness of the mind and body. Torpor is a state of senseless physical and mental activity. Sloth and torpor stand in the way of the development of any true growth, universal virtues included.

Restlessness-worry. If we are restless we can't focus our energies on the tasks at hand. Our mind and our body cannot work together effectively, and our energies are dissipated, our peace and resiliency are diluted, and joy is lost. Worrying about things we have no control over keeps us from exercising control over the things on which we can use the seven factors. When we cannot calm our minds, we find it difficult to move forward in life.

Doubt. If we don't trust our own abilities or the skills of others we create an obstacle to development. To progress through life, we need to have a conviction of our own worth and the value of others. Doubt creates a lack of respect for others. For the work with our children, doubt can destroy the vital link of trust between adult and child.

Virtues and vices. We have time-tested indicators to help us live a happy life, along with warnings of behaviors that can create disruptions in our journey.
Use universal virtues and character strengths to guide yourself and your children toward a life of meaningful activity and relationships.

Next week: Bloom's taxonomy

About Kids Talk™

Kids Talk™ is an award-winning newspaper column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox?

Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

About Maren Schmidt
Maren Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland. She is author of Understanding Montessori: A Guide for Parents.

©2010 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.550.3143
E-mail Maren

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Seven Factors of Enlightenment

2010-01-16T08:00:00.000-06:00

Zen Buddhist monks might be the last people you'd think would clown around. Laughing, though, is an expression of joy, and joy is one of the seven factors of enlightenment. Reading an article about a Zen Buddhist monk who teaches students to smile, laugh, and tell jokes made me curious about the other six factors to enlightenment, since joyful activity is one sign of on-track human development.

There are four main observable signs of happy and healthy human development.

Love of meaningful activities,
Ability to concentrate on an activity,
Self-discipline to carry out a chosen activity, and
Joyful work seen as sociability and cooperation with others.

Could there be a link between the seven factors of enlightenment described in Zen Buddhism and natural human development?

Mindfulness. When I think of mindfulness, I think about being fully engaged in the moment in an activity that you have chosen. The three-year-old on a tricycle to a fly fisherman casting in a stream captures the beauty of a human being totally in the moment and mindful of the task at hand.

Investigation. Curiosity starts us on a path of investigating and learning about the world around us. As we investigate, we discover new things. This discovery starts us on a path of learning as we gain knowledge and pleasure from our new pursuits. Pleasure feeds the desire to repeat the experience. Repetition deepens learning and creates skills. The ability to do an activity successfully develops self-confidence, which builds self-esteem. This, in turn, creates a sense of security. Self-confidence, self-esteem, and security allow us to begin to investigate again, and begin a new cycle of discovery and learning.

Energy or courageous effort. We can't really expect to grow unless we put some energy into the effort and put our heart into it. We have to exert effort to become mindful. We have to try to be curious. We have to work to be happy. A Zen proverb says it well: ''There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.''

Joy. When we investigate the world around us, and learn skills that put us in the moment, joy is a by-product. We share this joy with others with smiles and laughter, cooperation, and a desire to share what we have learned with others.

Tranquility. As we are energetically involved in mindful, investigative activities with joy, a sense of peace comes over us. It is like being on an island of calm as the hurricane roars round you. Time seems to dissolve, and there is nothing you have to do except do what you are doing and be who you are being.

Concentration. As we develop a mindful cycle of learning, our mind and our will strengthen with every activity. Concentration allows us to develop self-discipline, a sign of healthy development.

Equanimity. Equanimity is a steady, calm state of mind no matter what the stresses. Equanimity connotes a sense of calmness no matter the circumstances, along with a resiliency to whatever happens in life. The development of equanimity requires the everyday practice of deep concentration and self-discipline.

The seven factors of enlightenment? Perhaps they are road signs to help us stay on the path of happy and healthy human development.

Next week: Five Hindrances to Enlightenment

Kids Talk™ is a column dealing with early childhood development issues written by Maren Stark Schmidt. Mrs. Schmidt founded a Montessori school and holds a Masters of Education from Loyola College in Maryland.

She has over 25 years experience working with young children and holds teaching credentials from the Association Montessori Internationale. She is also Creative Director for a video-based reading series for children ages three to six, The Shining Light Reading Series. Contact her via e-mail at maren@shininglightreading.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

©2010 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.622.6750
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Holding the Paradox

2010-01-09T09:05:00.000-06:00

Have you ever taken two magnets and tried to put like poles together?

If you put the north and the south pole of a magnet together, there is attraction and attachment.

Try to put two north or two south poles together, and you feel a repulsion. Push as you might, you can't get the two similar poles to connect. The two like poles repel each other because of an electromagnetic force between the two poles.

Holding a paradox in our mind creates a force that is akin to magnetism--unseen, yet powerful.

A paradox is a type of contradiction involving two opposite ideas that, when considered separately, are true. When you can believe both ideas simultaneously, a certain form of a propelling force presents itself. It's much like squeezing a watermelon seed between two fingers. A philosopher said that being able to hold a paradox in your mind was like giving a bird a second wing. With one wing there is no flying, but with two the bird takes flight. With one idea our minds are like a one-winged bird. Believing two opposing ideas lifts our thinking to new heights.

What are some of these opposite ideas that create energy to propel us on our way and let our ideas take flight?

One of my favorites is this paradox:

Live today as if it were your last day. Live as though you will live forever.

I hear a friend of mine laughing. ''That,'' he says, ''is a fine pair-of-ducks.''

Other paradoxes to ponder:

The more you grab hold of something, the more it slips away.
I'm saving this for good. This is as good as it gets.
To be a success, you must seek failure.
Everything is important. Ultimately nothing matters.
It takes courage to admit you are afraid.
The more personal you are, the more universal your appeal.
To be unique, imitate others.
To do something well, you may have to do it poorly.

What does holding a paradox in your mind have to do with our relationships with our children? Try this pair of ducks on for size:

My child is the most special person in the world, just like the other 6 billion people on this planet.

There is this delicate balance of opposing, yet true, ideas that helps create a clarity to our thinking and meaningful purpose to our actions. The balance of the opposing thoughts becomes our compass pointing true north.

I'll leave you with a Zen koan: Blow, and you can extinguish a fire. Blow, and you can make a fire.

Next week: Seven Factors of Enlightenment

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

©2010 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.622.6750
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Curiosity: The Roots of Intelligence

2010-01-02T09:06:00.000-06:00

Reading an article in the July 2009 issue of Smithsonian called ''Birth of a Robot,'' got me thinking about human intelligence versus artificial intelligence. Nicholas Butko, one of the researchers quoted in the article, said that they wanted to program their robots with curiosity, not knowledge.

Giulio Sandini, an Italian bioengineer says, ''If you want to build an intelligent system, you have to build a system that becomes intelligent. Intelligence is not only what you know but how you learn from what you know. Intelligence is acquiring information, a dynamic process.''

These scientists are saying that the cycle of learning begins with curiosity. Curiosity allows children to explore, examine, investigate and wonder, and in doing, so learn and discover new things. Learning gives pleasure and feeds the desire to repeat the experience. Repetition creates mastery of new skills. Having skills develops self-confidence. Self-confidence builds self-esteem, which in turn creates a sense of security in the child. With self-confidence, self-esteem and security intact, a child chooses to explore and begin a cycle of learning again.

Curiosity involves the mind, as well as all the senses. As parents and teachers know, this curiosity can sometimes create more mess and chaos than we might care to deal with. With our disapproval or by not enriching a child's environment, we can short-circuit curiosity, the natural and vital fount of learning.

If our child is afraid to explore, learning is cut short. When a child's world is in chaos, he or she will seek the familiar and comfortable, unwilling to leave the safety of the known. Curiosity is impacted by family stress, natural disasters, war and violence. Once crushed, curiosity is a difficult trait to redevelop.

Our disapproval of activities can prevent curiosity from creating the learning cycle. Hearing too much of, ''Don't touch,'' ''Don't climb,'' or ''Don't get dirty,'' diminishes the investigative urge.

Not feeling safe also curbs curiosity. Ever notice how a toddler will wander off, discover that a parent is not nearby and run back to touch ''home'' base before going off again? A caring adult who provides a safe haven and a relationship to share the child's thrill of discovery reinforces the learning cycle that begins with a child's desire to know.

Children's curious enthusiasm for life can help adults rediscover the joy of learning. When we allow ourselves childlike curiosity, we create an active mind instead of a passive one. The mind is like a muscle that becomes stronger through continual exercise. Asking questions and digging for answers makes your mind stronger day by day.

Curiosity helps us pick out new ideas that spur creativity. When we are curious and open to new ideas, it's as if our brains look for the new and unexpected. For example, most of us have had the experience of learning a new word and then seeing it pop up everywhere.

Being curious opens up new possibilities. Trying new foods, traveling, even driving to work a different way, can open up our minds to new ways of thinking and doing things.

Being and staying curious is at the root of intelligence, learning and fun. Without it, we'd just be robots.

Next week: Holding the Paradox

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

©2010 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.622.6750
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

For Unto Us a Child Is Born

2009-12-26T09:00:00.000-06:00

This week we celebrate the birth of a man from Galilee. This man was born, as all of us are, as a small helpless being, dependent on the care and protection of a mother and father.

This child was born in a stable on a journey decreed by a Roman emperor in order for an accurate taxpayer's census to be prepared. In the times of Caesar Augustus expectant mothers were not allowed the luxury of staying at home during a census. Paying taxes was more important to the Roman Empire than the birth of a child.

Shepherds, due to a lack of education and wealth, were considered the lowliest members of a community. It was shepherds, though, who first recognized the birth of a child who would become the Prince of Peace.

Wise Men, kings from other countries, journeyed to bring gifts to this child. These kings realized the potential of this child. Another King, believing that the prophecy of the birth of the ''King of Kings'' had been fulfilled, ordered the slaughter of all male children under the age of three in his kingdom.

To protect their child, Mary and Joseph left their home, their family and their livelihood. This child and his parents fled to Egypt to escape King Herod's murderous edict.

At the age of 12, this child's parents allowed him to follow his desire of becoming a rabbi, even though he would spend most of his adult life as a carpenter. The last three years of his life, from the age of thirty, this child traveled from city to city with his followers and students. He talked to people about how to be kind to one another and how to have a personal relationship with the Creator of the Universe. His teachings were considered treason by the governing powers at the time, and he was sentenced to death.

This week we celebrate the birth of a man from Galilee. In our celebration let us remember that we all are born as children of God with enormous potential that even a simple uneducated person, such as a shepherd, can comprehend.

In our merrymaking let us remember that each of us has possibilities that should be encouraged by those in our world who are in positions of wisdom, wealth and influence. Those of us who hold these positions of power should seek to share our gifts and offer them to our children, as the Wise Men did.

We need to be prepared to protect our children from the treachery and greed of those who would be the King Herods in our world.

Using Mary and Joseph as our models, we need to trust our children to follow their paths and believe in our children's and our own unique abilities to heal the world.

Every person on our planet is born a child. No matter our beliefs in terms of religion, nationality or faith, the message of the child called Jesus speaks to us all, if only we will listen. The message is simple.

Jesus said that the two most important acts we can perform in the world are these:

Love the Lord thy God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

A message simple enough for a child to understand.

For unto us a child is born. We need to remember that each of us is that child.

God bless us, everyone.

Next week: Curiosity: The Roots of Intelligence

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.622.6750
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

The Best Gift for Our Children

2009-12-19T09:00:00.000-06:00

It was Parents' Weekend during our daughter's freshman year at college. The ladies' cross-country team had arranged a dinner for the parents. As we dined on ravioli at a local restaurant, it dawned on me that I was sitting in the middle of a statistical anomaly.

Every team member had a parent there, and out of 20 young women, only a single set of parents was divorced. With the national divorce rate reportedly hovering around 65%, why was the divorce rate only 5% in this group of families?

Doing some research I found out some interesting facts, one being that the divorce rate is difficult to calculate and is estimated to be between 40% to 60%, depending on which factors are used. I did discover that, as the level of education rises in a marriage, the divorce rate plummets. As income rises, the divorce rate drops. Also, in stable marriages, the educational and income levels of adult children rise.

What I observed at Parents' Weekend was not an oddity at all but, in fact, normal for families with college students.What came first, though, the stable marriage or the educational and financial success?

A doctor friend of mine told the story of a fellow physician who retired at age 55 after his children had graduated from college. When asked at his retirement party how he was able to retire financially at a young age, the doctor smiled and said, “One house. One wife.”

For this doctor, an intact well-working marriage provided financial and emotional stability to family life. What a present for children!

Dr. Robert Shaw, in his book The Epidemic, has a thought-provoking list, 15 Ways to Ruin Your Child and Your Life. First on his list is, ''Don't plan ahead. Don't think early on about arranging a secure home in which to raise a child. Especially, don't pick a husband or wife with character traits that would make him or her a true partner and supporter as you rear your children.''

Deborah, a friend whose parents divorced when she was ten, still hopes that her parents will reunite. Deborah told me, ''Mom and Dad will both be here for Thanksgiving. Wouldn't it be great if....'' For Deborah, 40 years later, the wish for an intact family remains.

Creating a happy marriage is difficult work. Victoria, married over 30 years, told me, ''I always cry at weddings because the bride and groom have no idea how much work is ahead of them.'' Victoria is right, but a new couple has no idea of the happiness and joy that will come their way if they will do the work.

Dr. John Gottman in his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, tells us not to focus so much on conflict resolution, as in developing shared meaning and a sense of purpose into our marriage. The basis of Dr. Gottman's approach is to ''strengthen the friendship that is at the heart of every marriage.''

Take the time every day to strengthen your friendship with your life's partner. It's a great gift to each other. A strong happy marriage is the best gift you could give your children.

Next week: For Unto Us a Child Is Born

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.622.6750
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Ten Little Words

2009-12-12T09:00:00.000-06:00

As soon as my southern drawl is detected, I am usually greeted with something like, ''Aren't you from the South? Southerners are so polite.'' Folks from all over the world marvel at our use of ''Yes, ma'am'' and ''No, sir.''

My imagination is not large enough to consider growing up and not saying, ''Yes, ma'am.'' As I entered my teenage years, I found that among my peers, ''please'' and ''thank you'' were reserved only for authority figures. The older I got, the everyday grace and courtesy of saying a few kind words seemed to all but disappear.

Years ago, I made a radical departure from my Southern roots. Instead of teaching my children ''Yes, ma'am'' and ''No, sir,'' we used the phrases ''Yes, please'' and ''No, thank you,'' as I considered these words to show regard across intergenerational lines. My desire was for these phrases to communicate respect and kindness not only to elders, but also to family members, friends and associates, for a lifetime.

Being savvy in the social graces is called emotional or social intelligence. Emotional awareness and interpersonal skills are seen as significant factors in successful relationships of all kinds. Knowing the right word to say at the right time to the right person--well, wouldn't that be fabulous?

Stephen Covey in The 8^th Habit says that when he visits with children, he encourages them to learn ten words, or four phrases, that, when these words are used in a desire to be of service to others, will help guarantee they'll get what they want from other people.

Covey's four phrases are: ''Please,'' ''Thank you,'' ''I love you" and "How may I help?''

Ten amazing words. When we use these words, the rough edges of a situation seem to go smooth.

Next time you are in line at the grocery store or fast food restaurant, notice how many people say ''Please,'' ''Thank you,'' ''How may I help?'' and ''I appreciate you'' (which is a way to say ''I love you'' to those who need it but whom we might not know that well).

There are times we might be lucky enough to hear all four phrases at once.

It was a late jam-packed holiday shopping night when the discount store's computer system decided not to accept any credit cards from the long lines of customers. Tempers flared, while customers and clerks looked worse for wear by the second. I thought it might be best to leave, quickly.

From the back of the lines, a man's voice, an alto tenor, a Nat King Cole kind of voice, began to rise over the grumbling.

''Silent Night. Holy Night. All is calm...''

With a few notes, we all remembered the important stuff of life. ''All is bright,'' we joined in.

By the end of the first verse, the computer systems didn't magically start working again, but all was calm. Everybody was smiling at everybody else.

How effectively this gentleman communicated, ''Please,'' ''Thank you,'' ''How may I help?'' and ''I love you.''

Let's teach our children and ourselves to use these four phrases, these ten little words, on a daily basis. We could change the world.

Next week: The Best Gift for Our Children

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.622.6750
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Making The Invisible Visible: Santa Claus

2009-12-05T09:00:00.000-06:00

''I've never gotten a present from Santa Claus,'' said Iliana, my 12-year-old seatmate on an east coast flight. ''My parents thought I should only be given verifiable facts. They told me there is no veracity in Santa Claus.''

''It's too bad that no one ever told your parents about the Secret of Santa Claus. When you know the Secret, you believe in Santa Claus all your life, even if you can't verify facts,'' I said.

''You believe in Santa Claus? What secret?''

''It's simple, but..."

''Please, tell me,'' Iliana said.

''We're flying on a plane right now. Who built this plane? Who designed it? Who got it ready to fly? Who trained our pilots? We know that someone had to do it, and with some research we could find those people. We won't though. We'll never meet those people. I'll call them invisible workers since they work to give us something we couldn't do alone.''

I took a sip of coffee. ''There are thousands of invisible workers for almost everything we use. I have no idea who planted the beans for this cup of coffee, or who picked them, roasted them and packaged them. I can only thank our flight attendant, the last person in this invisible line of people.''

''I have faith,'' I continued, ''that when I wish to fly on an airplane, or have a cup of coffee, these unknown people will have done their jobs, and my desires will come true. I don't have to grow my own coffee beans, build my own airplane, because of all these wonderful people.''

''So you're saying that Santa Claus is an invisible worker?'' said Iliana.

''I see Santa Claus being all these people in the world, who strive to serve humankind, to make life more enjoyable, more comfortable, more magical. I will never see these people who do so many things for me, but they are most assuredly real. When I understood this, and I was older than twelve, I wanted to be that helpful kind of person. In the first stage of believing in Santa Claus, when we're little, we're on the receiving end. When we live the secret, we are on the giving side, which is fun. Being like Santa, which is doing our jobs with cheerful intention to help others, makes amazing things happen, such as flying at 30,000 feet at 500 miles an hour, while sipping coffee, and talking to you about Santa Claus.''

''I get it. Once you know how Santa works, you become Santa Claus. You do your regular stuff with love in your heart, and you try to help others not expecting anything in return. Santa is people helping people. I'm pretty sure nobody told my parents that,'' Iliana said. ''I think I'm going to have some fun being an invisible worker.''

I was hoping I could show Iliana that Santa is that invisible force of faith, charity, believing and doing that cannot be easily explained. For the young child, one way we can help them see and experience this force is in Santa's work. As the young child enters a developmental stage of reasoning, around age six, and begins to wonder about Santa, we need to give them opportunities to work and contribute to something bigger than themselves. We need to show them how to choose to be part of the magical power of giving, service and surprise.

As we walked off the plane, Iliana said, ''I'm so excited about Santa Claus. I've already got some great ideas. I think this feeling is what the saying 'it is more blessed to give than to receive' means. Boy, are my parents and a few other people going to be surprised.”

Iliana spied her grandparents and started singing, ''Here Comes Santa Claus.'' They laughed and asked, ''What are you so happy about?''

As I walked away, Iliana waved and winked at me, then answered, ''It's a secret.''

Next week: Ten Little Words

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.622.6750
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Special Announcement: New Book Building Cathedrals Not Walls

2009-12-05T08:00:00.003-06:00

Dear Kids Talk Readers:

I am thrilled to let you know about my new book—Building Cathedrals Not Walls.

The phrase ''building cathedrals not walls'' comes from the following story:

An architect visited a construction site on his vacation. As he walked around he asked the brick masons what they were building.

''Mister,'' the first worker said as he slopped mud onto a brick, ''can't you see I'm building a wall?''

Every worker he chatted with, no matter if the chore was laying brick, shoveling or mixing cement, told the architect they were laying brick or stacking a wall.

One worker offered a different version of his labors. As he stood upright and smiled, the man said, ''Look. I'm building a cathedral.''

I think if asked what we were doing during our day-to-day toils and trials of parenting and teaching, most of us would probably answer, ''Can't you see I'm busy with the kids!''

I hope this book will help parents and teachers see that we are part of a group that is building humanity, task by task, day by day, generation by generation.When we have a plan and a vision, we understand that, indeed, we are building cathedrals, not walls. The mundane becomes the magnificent. And that can make all the difference.

The 90 Kids Talk™ essays in this book I hope will continue to inspire parents and teachers to see that we are working on something bigger than ourselves. Much bigger.

Building Cathedrals Not Walls is for sale for $9.95 at Amazon.com and BuildingCathedrals.net. Free shipping on orders over $25.00.

A perfect stocking stuffer for the cathedral builders in your life.

All the best,

Maren Schmidt,
Kids Talk

Have Maren speak at your school, church, or other organization. Email Maren_Schmidt@me.com.

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

Ask your local newspaper to carry Kids Talk. Call, write or e-mail your local newspaper editor and recommend Kids Talk.

Would you like to send Kids Talk to friends and family or receive Kids Talk e-mail updates in your own inbox? Sign up for FREE here:
Click here for a FREE subscription.

©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.622.6750
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys

2009-11-28T08:00:00.001-06:00

You can take the girl out of Oklahoma, but you can't take Oklahoma out of the girl. Even though I left Oklahoma in 1964 when I was eight years old, I still join in at every opportunity for a rousing chorus of Oklahoma!

I guess I came at a good time in my Grandfather Earl's life. I was the first child of his youngest son and the first grandchild in seven years. By the time I was five, six and seven, I was his captive (and quite happy) audience as we passed summer or fall evenings on the front porch, radio in the background, shelling pecans, and telling stories.

Sometimes granddad's buddies from the oil fields would come by for a glass of iced tea or lemonade, and stories of their younger days would start to roll. Most of these older gentlemen had been cowboys and had personal incidents to tell about Oklahoma legends such as Will Rogers, Wiley Post and Red Adair. Their stories told of heroes with cowboy virtues, and I was always eager to hear how Will Rogers lassoed a friend in the audience, how Wiley Post landed in a thunderstorm at their ranch, or how Red Adair squelched a fire at their oilfield. Oh, and they'd throw in a story about Amelia Earhart every once and a while.

A psychological characteristic of children from about six to twelve years is that they are in a period of hero-worship. Children want to hear stories of people they can emulate, people who have character strengths that will help them be as skilled, verbally and physically, as Will Rogers; as daring as Wiley Post; as keen a fire fighter as Red Adair or as revered as Amelia Earhart. Children need to imagine the possibilities through story.

The cowboy stories of my grandfather and his friends encompassed the values that old cowhands and oilmen hold dear:

Individualism: Nobody did nothin' by committee. It was one man out there against the odds. The names of their ranches personified that individuality: Sky Ranch, The Lazy L, The Rocking R, the Flying M.

Independence: They were doing it their way before the song was written or Frank Sinatra was born, dadgumit.

Freedom: I'll pay my money and take my chances.

Love of land: My, but that wheat field was a purty sight.

Modest: After saving someone's life; ''Ah, it weren't nuthin'.

Courage: Either git some backbone or sit on your tailbone.

Loyalty: Course we went after him in that blizzard.

Integrity: His word was as good as law. And everyone knew it.

Generosity: We passed around the hat when he lost his job.

Respect for women: We just told him there was no room in this town for someone who'd treat a lady like that. And that was the last time we seen him.

Kindness to children: Cowboys could pull quarters out of my ears, and that's when a quarter was a quarter and Eisenhower was on a half-dollar. A stick of gum or a peppermint appeared with a grin.

Fairness: We dun it fair and square, all on the up and up.

Nicknames: My grandpa's name was Skinny, and apparently at one time he was. Smiley, Trouble, Red, Tex, Shorty, Scottie earned their names somehow, some way. Earned is the keyword.

Our children are looking for heroes. Heroes are all around us. We need to take the time to tell stories of our heroes, along with the strengths that we admire.

As a cowpoke might say, ''We don't want to put the bull in the wrong corral.''

Next Week: Making The Invisible Visible: Santa Claus

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.622.6750
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

&amp;lt;br /&amp;gt;

Choosing Thankfulness

2009-11-21T08:00:00.001-06:00

Last year at a conference I noticed an unusual number of people wearing purple plastic wristbands. I didn't think much about it, imagining that the bands must be in support of a worthy cause.

When I returned home from the conference I stopped by my neighborhood bookstore. At the checkout register sat a bucket full of purple wristbands, but with no explanation of what idea they represented. Upon closer inspection I noticed an embossed imprint across the face of the band, A ComplaintFreeWorld.org.

I laughed at the impossible idea of a complaint-free world. ''Wouldn’t that be wonderful?'' I said to the bookstore owner.

''There's the instruction manual on the front table,'' she said.

I couldn't resist buying the book. Will Bowen, pastor of Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, Missouri, challenged his parishioners to go 21 days without complaining. To keep the challengers on track Bowen wanted a ''doodad'' to hand out after his talk to help people remember their task. Bowen's assistant came across a special on purple wristbands, and the game was on.

The game? Move your wristband to the opposite arm every time you catch yourself complaining. The ''gotcha'' was that you had to start over at Day One every time you complained, even if you were on Day Twenty-One-and-a-Half.

Bowen, considering himself a positive guy, thought he'd had no problem going 21 days without complaining, criticizing or gossiping. After two weeks, he reported that he had gone six hours complaint-free. After a month, he told his group that he had made it three days without complaining.

Bowen's congregation has committed to giving free bracelets to whomever asks. His church has given away more than 6 million bands with a thousand requests coming in every day.

Thinking without complaining, criticizing or gossiping brought about some unexpected benefits. Purple wristband wearers reported that their relationships improved, that chronic health concerns diminished or disappeared, and that they were enjoying life in a way they never thought possible. They discovered what Marcus Aurelius wrote in his Meditations almost 2000 years ago, ''The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.''

We choose our thoughts, positive or negative. Bowen says the average time it takes someone to go complaint-free is four to eight months. It's work to shift our perception of the world.

My dad had a way of dealing with those times when the apple cart gets tipped over, and all looks lost. More than once in my adult life I went to him distraught over one setback or another. He'd give me a hug, look at his watch and say, ''Well, let's have a pity party for fifteen minutes, and then get back to work.''

This is a year of tumultuous economic and political forces unleashed, and it might be reason enough for us to join a long, long pity party and neglect thinking about all that we should be thankful for.

For the sake of our children, let's finish up with our pity parties and get to work to create a complaint-free world. Complain that the glass is half full, or be thankful that it is? Take the challenge to choose thankfulness.

Next Week: My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.622.6750
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

&amp;lt;br /&amp;gt;

Hungry Planet

2009-11-14T08:00:00.000-06:00

A recent museum exhibit, Hungry Planet, showed photographs of 12 families from around the world along with the food they ate for a week. These photos excerpted from the book, Hungry Planet, are by Peter Menzel and Faith D'Aluisio. You might be familiar with other of Menzel's work, Material World, a picture book depicting families around the world photographed with all their material possessions.

As I walked around the exhibit room, it struck me that the less packaged food with which a family was pictured, the more the body language of the family seemed to convey comfortableness and an engagement of being in the moment. The more processed food in the picture, the sense of togetherness seemed less evident.

The children in the Mongolian and Ecuadorian families possessed heartfelt smiles even though we might consider their material possessions and weekly food rations extremely meager.

What came through the pictures to me was that our planet is hungry for connection and meaningful contribution to others in our immediate lives.

Those with less material possessions depend more on each other for the basics of everyday life--hauling water, making fires, gathering food and caring for animals. Children are involved in direct work that contributes to the well-being of their families. If the children don't do their jobs, the absence of their tasks reverberates throughout the family and the larger community. It's like the old pioneer adage, ''If you don't work, you don't eat.'' If you don't help, perhaps there isn't enough food for dinner. The children understand this.

In our modern world, our children find it difficult to contribute in purposeful ways to their everyday lives. It is difficult for many of our child to see any link between contribution and consumption.

It is our job as adults to help our children make this connection between creating services and using services. Our children are quite capable of many tasks and take pleasure in the work. Satisfaction in providing a vital job in the smooth running of their homes and schools provides children the impetus to take on greater responsibilities.

Years ago, I showed one of my four-year-old students how to wash a table, a standard lesson in a Montessori classroom. As Anna scrubbed away cheerfully, creating bubbles and foam on the tabletop, she stopped and looked me in the eye, her brows furrowed.

''Why am I doing maid's work?''

''Because it's fun?'' I said.

Anna smiled. ''Yep. It's fun. Real fun.''

Anna was right. It wasn't fake fun. It was truly fun.

When our children have opportunities to care for people and objects in their environments of home, school, and church, we create real fun for our children, joy that shines in their eyes as they help not only themselves but their families and communities.

Our Earth is hungry for those opportunities that show care and offer service to others. Working to care for our Earth and the people living here makes our Earth a home, a home where the heart is.

For a list of jobs that children can do to care for their families, email maren@kidstalknews.com and ask for the Kids Talk Job List.

Next Week: Choosing Thankfulness

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.622.6750
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Bringing Something to the Table

2009-11-07T09:00:00.000-06:00

As I was getting ready to go on a picnic with some friends, the phone rang. "What can I bring?" my friend asked.

Earlier I had suggested that I bring the food and that my friend take care of the drinks. After going through the menu, she suggested bringing another dish. In that moment, I saw that it was important to her to feel that she was contributing her share, and a little more.

It's simplistic to cut the world into dichotomies, but perhaps we can. Our planet spins, and we are either in daylight or night, but those conditions are constantly changing, going from darkness to dawn, to noon, to dusk, and night again.

The world is full of givers and takers. We should be both. When we can give, we should. In order for others to contribute, we should also learn how to receive.

With our adult hustle and bustle, we can become so caught up in giving to our children that we become blind and insensitive to their willingness to contribute to the well-being of the group.

Our children are standing there, wanting to bring something to the picnic of life, wanting to share with those people who care about them.

We hurry on past our children in our pursuit to "get things done." It's easier to do it all ourselves than to show, guide, correct, and be friendly with error if a task is forgotten or not done to our standards.

Doing tasks that contribute to the well-being of their family makes children shine. Children with guidance become givers, and thus like day changing into night and back again, learn how to also graciously receive their gifts as they learn to give.

We all have something to bring to the table. The three-year-old can set the table with placemats, napkins, silverware and plates, and create a centerpiece of fruit or flowers. Young children are capable of doing cooking and cleaning tasks when shown how to do so and given child-sized tools.

One reason I love to cook with children is the joy they express when the bread they've made, the butter they've shaken in a jar, and the vegetables they've cut are served and eaten at the table with the people they love.

The deep satisfaction of contribution makes us appreciative of all that we've been given.

The world is full of givers and takers. We should be both.

It is more blessed to give than to receive. We should teach our children to give, and ourselves to generously receive those gifts.

Next week: Hungry Planet

Complete Collection of the Shining Light Reading Series Now Available on DVD
Visit www.shininglightreading.com for more information.

©2009 KIDS TALK™
25877 East Bright Avenue
Welches, OR 97067
503.622.6750
503.550.3143
maren@kidstalknews.com

Kids Talk is published in conjunction with Scribe Marketing

Special Announcement: New Book Building Cathedrals Not Walls

2009-10-31T14:05:00.000-05:00